When our online counsellor looks at any case involving therapy for relationship trauma, relationship counselling, therapy for insecurity in relationships, or a wide range of relational issues.. she automatically thinks about looking into your patterns of behavior. And for relationship issues that means having a look into your attachment systems as these are how our bonds were formed and modelled.

Attachment Systems

Your attachment system is based on what happened to you both growing up and your genetics. So, both nature and nurture are combined to create how you unconsciously respond in relationship situations.

• The nurture part refers to both the environment and parenting styles you were raised with.

• Then, nature is based on how your genetic background plays a part. This means that your parent’s attachment styles can be passed down and be a factor in your likelihood towards each style.

These combine to make you more likely to perceive and respond to intimacy and relationships in a certain way. Research shows that most of how we respond behaviorally is unconscious until we become more self-aware of it. And that self awareness comes through doing the work of looking into why we behave different ways in relationships, that can be with a personal therapist or through reading books by experts like Amir Levine who wrote a book called Attached.

What you need to know is that no matter which style you are, there is no attachment style that is wrong, or unhealthy. It's just how our nervous system reacts when we're in relationships. There are a variety of kinds with the most common being anxious, avoidant, and secure. And over time they may even change, especially if you're with a secure partner or based on new significant experiences like trauma.

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